The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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