Will you blow on my dice?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
