Will you blow on my dice?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
