I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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