So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
