Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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