its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
