Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize