why didn't you poke me back
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
