We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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