So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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