No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
