Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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