I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
