I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
