You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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