so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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