you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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