god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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