I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
