what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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