You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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