Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
