if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
