Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I enjoy the company of your penis
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