I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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