It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
