funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
