Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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