this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
