i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
