I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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