Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
