He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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