I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
