dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
