a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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