Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
