I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sober January is a disaster.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
