just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
