Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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