You're so nebulous sometimes
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
