When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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