I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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