just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
