nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
