When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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