For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
