there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
