had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
