my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
