fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
