Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
