Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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