I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
