I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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