omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize