lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
