i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
