she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
