Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
