Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
