I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
