I'm passing your future prison.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
