I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
