The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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