Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
