Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
