She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
