She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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