oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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