Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk is a universal language darling
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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