So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
