Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
