on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
