when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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