Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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