I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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