Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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