why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
