Will you blow on my dice?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize