True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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