I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
