I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
