all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
