I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
