last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
