Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
