just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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