Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
