I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I would fuck him just for his dog
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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