I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
