so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize