Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
