Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
