So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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