The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
