Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I need to wash the frat house off of me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
