return my video game
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
